I wrote this poem yesterday, and it is written from an interesting perspective. It is a doll that knows its purpose but does not want to be punished for wrongdoings anymore.
I anticipate the pins Sharp with pain, it pierces me Now the healing begins My lips sewn shut but still I plea I don’t want to feel this pain I see the hand approach to punish again With all my might, I strain I’ll continue to grow my disdain Ironic that I am the enforcer of revenge I breathe in all the hate my lungs can hold Through my pain and suffering, I’ll avenge Through my eyes, I can watch your demise unfold I am not a doll but an effigy to punish thee Please stop doing wrong; I do not want pins in me
Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading! Travis
I wrote this poem a few months back and figured it was worth a share. It focuses on the topic of the devil preying on the weak and hurting. If we remain strong in our faith through our trials and tribulations, we can continue to keep the devil away.
A crack of thunder as a crimson color rains The river is as red as sin Perhaps a knife opened up the skies veins The devil is here, but I won’t let him in I retreat to my safe place, clutching my cross so tight It is not enough this time as I trek out into the crimson world I can feel the devil lurking behind me, snickering at my plight I breach the door of the church, keeping my mind furled I sit in silence; the devil is not here I pick up the book that was sitting next to me A hymn breaks out in unison as I clutch the bible near I breathe a sigh of relief, unburdened and stress-free The devil won’t come here, in this place I dwell I’ll continue to pray, forcing him back to hell
Dramatis Personae: Six perfect strangers in search of an exit from an obscure little room. Setting: A random room in the middle of Nowhereville, they should have read the signpost up ahead because they would know that they have just ventured into “The Twilight Zone”— sorry, couldn’t resist, haha!
This is no ordinary room; it is bountiful with hidden treasures that will surely spell their demise.
The phone! Screamed the woman with accusing eyes A brilliant flash as a man turned to dust The window! Screamed the woman as another dies The woman shows her benevolence; it is me you can trust We must work together, now turn on that light The group hesitates before making the move Another life was wasted as they huddle in fright I’ll tell you how to escape, your loyalty you must prove We are but three, but we will live That camera has been watching us Unplug it, so there is no pleasure to give Another life lost as the remaining two discuss The camera can’t see, it’s the door we should try A man’s shaky hand reaches for the door While the woman hides from the blast as the plan goes awry The woman stands and apologies for all of the gore You all followed sheepishly; I gave you no reason to trust me But your deaths are not in vain, for now, I am free
This was a tale of survival and the personification of cunningness. Sometimes it takes an indomitable will to survive.
**Right off the bat, I’ll add the disclaimer that there are two shirtless pics in this blog. I don’t want anyone who may read this to be caught off guard by the pics. They are used to depict a past version of myself and the journey back to that version.
I’ve been debating on whether or not to share this post for a while now. According to my admin page, since 1/18, to be exact. I published once before and pulled it within the hour, so this is my second attempt. It’s all mental, I know. However, I still struggle with opening up on certain topics, and this particular topic is an important one to me.
This blog is an intimate look at me as an individual and the path I have traveled. Albeit it is a condensed version, it still is quite personal and will give you some insight into what makes me tick.
In 2006 my way of life changed forever. I was in the best shape of my life. I was beginning to prep for body building competition when I decided to go a different route. I declared 2006 to be “my year.” However, something happened that changed everything for me.
I no longer felt invincible. I no longer felt unstoppable. My years of preparation leading up to my best year were all in vain. My body had just broken down on me.
This was a picture of me that my wife took in 2006:
I was in peak physical condition as I prepared to step onto the football field once again after recovering from a lower back injury. The season started off with a bang. Everything was going perfectly. My redemption was finally imminent. Everything for me physically was going well, but I noticed that my body was not adjusting to the physical trauma/toll of playing football. I kept encouraging myself, saying, “it’ll come back.”
As the weeks progressed, the physical toll did not ease up. I immediately knew something was wrong. I had shortness of breath but felt fine otherwise. The shortness of breath had gotten worse. I finally decided to shut things down.
Admitting Something Is Wrong
Growing up in sports, you tend to shake smaller injuries aside and continue on with life. Most sports have a “next man up” mentality, so having that methodology imprinted on my brain, I decided to deal with my injuries in a private manner. I was not ready to quit just yet and continued playing football, unable to swallow my pride and admit injury. However, I did decide to call the doctor and describe the feeling I was having, to which he immediately set me up for an appointment.
The biggest fear was a punctured lung. I went to get x-rays because he was confident it was a punctured lung.
The test results were in, and they showed no punctured lung, but he noticed fluid in my lungs as he looked over the x-rays.
I remember his phone call asking me how I was feeling, and then he told me he needed to see me again immediately.
After doing a throat culture, he wanted me to do the usual “turn your head and cough” as he listened to my lungs.
I paused for a moment and then told him, “coughing hurts.”
Naturally, he wanted me to elaborate, so I finally let him in on additional health issues that I was hiding from him.
At this point, my body had already broken down. I couldn’t pick my arms up above my head, I couldn’t turn my head, and I showed him that I had a winged scapula. He then asked what I’ve been doing, and I said, “playing football.”
He looked at me and said, “not anymore.”
I could tell the seriousness in his tone and did not challenge his words.
He was writing up a referral to have everything looked over when I asked, “what about working out? Can I still do that?”
He stopped and thought about the question for a split second, “stop everything. This is pretty serious.”
I hung my head. The stuff I loved doing was just yanked out from under me. I started questioning why I waited so long? Why did I handle it so carelessly?
I went to an orthopedic surgeon. He thoroughly investigated everything and was blunt with how I should proceed.
He said, “no surgery if you stop right now.”
I asked, “stop what football?”
“Yes, you are done with football unless you want to be paralyzed down the road.”
He had diagnosed me with a severe cervical sprain/strain and severe nerve damage in my neck. He compared the damage done to my neck to that of a severe car crash. I knew he was an excellent doctor as he knew details that I had not shared with him to this point.
He said, “the numbness you feel. I know you are experiencing it in your fingers and all-around your body. It will not go away unless you stop right now.”
So I promised him I would stop everything for the time being.
I told him the only physical activity I’ll do will be PT when it comes time.
I was done playing games when I realized what I had just done to my body.
On top of all of that, my MD called back, letting me know that the fluid in my lungs was due to walking pneumonia and bronchitis.
From that day on, I stopped everything. I let my gym membership expire, and I walked away from football. I was facing an unknown future.
Reality set in for me a couple of years later as depression began to sink in. I didn’t replace my favorite activities with anything. I just sat around eating, watched television, and went to work. My weight ballooned, making my depression even worse. All said and done I had a nearly 50lb weight gain.
This is a pic of me with my newborn son during that time.
The Wake Up Call I needed
I ran into a good friend that I haven’t talked to in a few years. Not hearing from him for a while wasn’t from a lack of trying. It turns out he was unavailable because he had joined the military. He said, “wow, you grew out a bit there.” He went on to say he wasn’t used to seeing me in that type of shape. Again, this is a good friend who would never mince words and freely tell me what he was seeing.
After that encounter, I kept thinking of his transformation in his life. He had always struggled with his weight but got sick of it and joined the military, completely changing his life. I was utterly blown away by this encounter.
I started thinking of things that I can physically do because I could feel my life continuing to slip as I sat in depression. I got thinking that I can get outside and enjoy nature as my body healed. I gave my newborn son all of my attention but still something wasn’t right with my mindset.
It’s a Mentality and a Mindset
In order to correct my behavior, I needed to understand it and get control of it. If I attempted to get my life back in order physically, not fixing the destructive behaviors would ultimately lead to failure.
I ran with this little trickle of optimism. I was beginning to feel renewed.
A quote from Confucius became my mantra to aid me in my ambitious attempt at a return :
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
Month after month, I continued exercising by jogging, running, and going for hikes. I was starting to feel like myself again. Working out was such a big part of my life because the endorphins it releases works wonders on a person’s mental health—I was feeling this feeling again.
Football was becoming a distant memory for me, and I was okay with that fact now. I had made my peace with it.
I started wondering if God was guiding me towards a different path for me to travel. I ran with that thought and enrolled myself in college.
I was also now a father and a husband as I shifted my focus to having a family.
Fast forward six years, and I now have two degrees and graduated with great honors/magna cum laude. I realized this is the path I was meant to take.
I was always meant to use my brain over my brawn, but I just never embraced it.
Maybe I never needed football at all? What if I can return to the gym now?
I had so many thoughts and questions to ask my doctor.
After a short visit, my doctor was perfectly fine with me returning to physical workouts so long as I listened to my body this time.
I felt different this time around. Armed with better knowledge of my limits, I attacked the gym ferociously.
After several months back at the gym, I felt confident enough to take a picture of myself. Something I avoided doing for almost a decade!
The Reveal… This is me in 2020:
When everything happened back in 2006, I thought my life was over. I wanted to quit, and I wanted to give up and hide. For some reason, though, I didn’t, and I genuinely believe it is because I kept up my faith. I didn’t travel the traditional path to get to my destination, but I still did arrive.
I realized that time had no bearing on me. For the longest time, I thought I lost a decade of my best years, but the truth is, I didn’t miss out at all. I put my brain to use instead of my brawn. It was as if God was telling me to take a break. I listened and do not regret it one bit.
I hope this blog helps anyone who may be going through a similar transition in their lives. It was important to get both the physical and mental parts of me in check and in sync to boost my self motivation and self esteem. My goal was to motivate and help you understand that just because one door closes on an opportunity doesn’t mean that another one won’t open. When that door does open for you, take it, do not be afraid of the unknowns.
Dramatis Personae: A 40’s something astronaut and his escape pod, which is now his coffin of sorts. Setting: Deep space
This poem follows the last few moments of an astronaut on an ill-fated space mission. Out of desperation, he rushed to an escape pod. Due to an explosion of the shuttle, the pod’s trajectory was thrown off course.
Mission control, I’m off course Were the last words that I spoke I float in space with no chance of recourse A victim of fate’s cruel practical joke Two hours of battery life remains I smother the hunger pains with my pills The silence of space so deafening, my mind strains My lips crack as blood fills One hour left, as I hear the chime I press a picture of my family against my lips Understanding that I am now on borrowed time Hallucinations from the pills as my mind slips The time has come, as darkness falls Desolation is now my bride The escape pod judders and stalls Aimlessly through space, I shall glide The welcoming sight of a black hole At least the devil won’t get my soul
Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading! Travis
This poem depicts the need of having someone to help fight your battles. Someone who can pick you up when you fall. It’s always good to have that type of support to lean on when faced with such tribulations. We all need that “rock” in our lives, so in short, this poem was written as a dedication.
You face the world in your mask of lies Nothing is right in the world that you feel You look in the mirror to perfect your disguise I offer you relief from the pain you conceal I won’t let you fall on your sword You cling to exist on a cliff of despair I’ll restore faith in this life you adored With your emotions fogging the air Undo the weights and chains in your mind Let me take your vexations of life away Together we have the strength to unbind It’s time to wake your soul and return to the fray Let’s feast upon your fears and doubts tonight It’s time to bark back and stand up and fight
Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading! Travis
I put this poem together a few months ago. This chronicles a person struggling with his sanity, but we soon learn why at the end of the poem. The person casts no shadow, and it is really beginning to wear him down mentally.
The sun stares at me like an accusing eye The moon by happenstance, my abettor My shadow left me alone to die I did nothing wrong, but no shadow to fetter Abject cowardice from my faceless entity My sanity toils to remain But I refuse to absolve my identity Despite the hate and disdain I see passing shadows, but none are mine I walk along with them to camouflage my loss Embracing the lie that I am fine I beg and pray and kiss the holy cross I am but a ghost; I cast no shadow on the walls I’ll continue to walk this world until my God calls
Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading! Travis
This was a pretty heavy poem to write. I can’t say that I have ever been in a relationship depicted in the poem, but I can relate to the emotions of it all. We all have the relationship battles that we fight throughout our lives. In a story I wrote, two characters constantly fell in and out of love. So you’ll notice the heaviness of that aspect throughout the poem, but then it takes a turn where they come back to each other. I won’t lie; I can be an emotional writer, so I did tear up a bit writing this poem. I thought of someone that I couldn’t live without to evoke my emotions.
If you love me, let me go Last words as we depart Tears flow as we say we know A love too strong to tear apart Rip the veins of memories from my skin We broke our hearts against our hate As I wake to scream, just let me in Picking up the pieces, we crumble under the weight We both lie to maintain control Our hate started as love I need your touch to console But you push me away with a shove We breakdown because it’s loves end But it’s our love that will transcend
A little Greek Mythology anyone? How about Pandora’s box?
I can remember learning about the Greek myth of Pandora’s box back in high school and thinking, “Wow, what an interesting myth.” Long story short, Pandora was sculpted from clay by the Greek God Hephaestus and was purposely given deceitful gifts by the Gods to punish mankind. She was given a box but was told never to open it. Zeus knew she would open it because she was bestowed an unquenchable thirst of curiosity. She opened the box and released illness and hardships but closed it too soon, leaving hope trapped inside.
I put together a poem depicting the events…
Crafted by the Gods, the image of perfection Her beauty one to behold As she admires her reflection This is a tale of curiosity pushed beyond its threshold Adorned with gifts from the Gods, all seems well Pandora admires her treasures with delight A punishment to all mankind, her curiosity can’t quell This box aesthetically pleasing her thoughts benight One little peek in the box would surely be fine It holds great gifts, and I am the bearer of all gifts What is inside the box was meant to be mine With a creak and a crack, the box top lifts Illness and hardship rushed to the outside With great fright, Pandora’s box slammed shut, leaving hope inside
Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading! Travis
I’ve always had a huge interest in Ancient Egypt. So many enigmatic things surrounding the entire civilization. One of those enigmatic things, for me, is The Pharaoh’s curse. It was quite clear with a dire warning to not disturb the tombs.
The speculation of the curse intensified after the opening of King Tutankhamun’s tomb. All of the individuals who were present during the opening of the tomb, passed away from odd circumstances. The deaths, while unfortunate, I am sure, are hyperbole and have since been dismissed with some logic and science. Nonetheless, it is still an interesting topic to me.
I was just watching a documentary covering the curse of the pharaohs and decided to remain naïve a bit and write a fun little poem about the curse.
The eye of Horus watches over me My tomb adorned with gifts I sleep, but the eye can still see The walls shake as the sand drifts Shadows enter my tomb With great haste, lust takes Cementing their doom As the curse now wakes Bathed in my treasures The shadows see no plight For they came for pleasures But the curse now will fight My curse took the lives of four Come back for my treasures, and it’ll surely take more
Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading! Travis
